advice for possibly beginning discernment?

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advice for possibly beginning discernment? lost and ignorant

#1 sixpence

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Posted 11 April 2012 - 02:47 AM

So I posted this in that other phorum too, but I thought I would post here as well.

So, as some of you may know, I am currently dating; but lately, as I have continued to develop my faith (and probably from spending time on phatmass) I have realized that I had hardly even thought about what God wants me to do with my life... when I started dating I was definitely in the "marriage is the obvious option" mindset (as it seems so many are); but as soon as I realized that I should at least consider other options, I cannot get the idea of religious life out of my head. However, I am pretty lost. I have no idea how to even begin really learning about this option, never mind actually discerning if it is what God wants. Besides that, I'm honestly pretty freaked out about the whole idea, but I still feel totally interested in looking into it...

So....help? advice? random comments? Thanks

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#2 sixpence

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Posted 11 April 2012 - 02:53 AM

Summary of Advice already received (cause I'm so organized...not really)::

Read
introduction to devout life – st. francis
discernment of spirits- fr. gallagher

Do
-get and SD…how?
-confession
-Adoration (daily)
-Prayer time
-Daily Masses?
-discernment retreat?
-rosary

Research/Helpful Websites
http://www.vocationn...rk.org/main?m=0
http://www.thehidden...graduation.html

stuff

#3 Irenaeus G. Saintonge

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Posted 11 April 2012 - 02:59 AM

Just the relevant background on me: Several years ago I kind of 'discerned discernment', and realized that it wasn't for me. Then I dated, and now I'm engaged. I never did seriously discern priesthood or anything like that.

That said, I think it's a bad idea to mix discerning for marriage (i.e. Catholic dating) and discerning a vocation in the Church. SO, I would say that if you're dating now and can't get the idea of religious life out of your head, stop dating and devote yourself, for however long it takes, to figuring out if you're being called to religious life. Ultimately it's not fair to yourself or your vocation or your boy/girlfriend if you're trying to discern religious life while you're dating. On a similar note, that's why it's always always always a bad idea to date seminarians or those people who are perpetually discerning.
Essentially, what everyone has to do is pick their path and not ever try to walk on both paths. Switch if you need to, if it becomes apparent that you picked wrongly. That happens, and it kinda sucks, but it's not a big deal in the grand scheme of things as long as you haven't done anything permanent yet. But don't try to burn that particular candle at both ends, because it hurts you and people who are involved with you.

Anyway, I'm sure you already know all that.

Sometimes I think it just helps to hear it from other people. Are you a man or a woman? I know a good site to send you if you're of the female persuasion.

²⁴This is that disciple who giveth testimony of these things, and hath written these things; and we know that his testimony is true.
²⁵But there are also many other things which Jesus did; which, if they were written every one, the world itself, I think, would not be able to contain the books that should be written.
Jn:21:24-25

#4 Tridenteen

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Posted 11 April 2012 - 03:01 AM

I've been told half a million times to go get an SD. But quite frankly I have issues with using an SD to assist in discernment. My discernment is my business, and whereas advice is always welcome, I don't want to be swayed by someone else's prejudices and ideas. Fr. Garigou Lagrange's Soul of the Apostolate comes to me highly recommended, so that might be a good book to look at. I'm sure some people out there do go to Faily Adoration, but that's a time consideration, in my mind. And ikt's not like you can just pop in for 10 minutes and really be able to get yourself situated enough to pray before leaving again. Discernment retreats, though...well, I don't see how anyone can ever go on enough of those! There is a convent nearby that I am quite close to, and the sisters are well aware that I 'm not discerning with them. But about once a month, they ask me if I want to come visit, or I invite myself, and they let me sit in the chapel for a few hours, talk to me about spiritual things, and let me enjoy community life.

Something else I personally do, which you may or may not want to look into is seeing if your diocese lets you "spiritually adopt" a priest or seminarian. Religious life has so much motherhood to it that "adopting" someone to pray for share your love of God with may prove to be extremely beneficial and fullfilling.

"When I lived most happily without thinking of affection, You wanted me to love you; and I loved You with a Passion. And I will continue to love You even after death. I will love You with all of my soul, and whereas the heart stops beating the soul never dies." -Montserrat Grases

buy some coffee/tea build a monastery http://www.mysticmon.../storefront.php

#5 Irenaeus G. Saintonge

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Posted 11 April 2012 - 03:06 AM

The advice you've already got is great too. Spend as much time as you can in prayer, and you'll probably find that the answer just sort of becomes obvious.

#6 sixpence

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Posted 11 April 2012 - 08:57 PM

Thanks for the info so far!
To answer some questions:
1. I am a gal!
2. I am at the point where I do not know whether or not I might need to really discern religious life (I guess what Nihil called "discerning discernment" haha); I DO know that I had completely avoided even letting the thought into my head until very recently and I want to rectify that.
3. I am willing to end dating if discernment becomes a serious possibility; but right now I have hardly have any time to think about it (since I started letting myself) lol

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#7 Irenaeus G. Saintonge

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Posted 11 April 2012 - 09:26 PM

In terms of the dating/marriage side of things, I would highly recommend reading Seraphic Singles if you don't already.
Here's the link: http://seraphicsingl...gs.blogspot.ca/
Her advice tends to be geared towards young Catholic women who are primarily interested in dating, but in that vein some of her best advice applies to young Catholic women who might encounter discerning seminarians. A lot of her advice on that front, which frankly is without peer in terms of common sense and prudence, would apply pretty nicely to young women who might be discerning themselves, while being part of the 'dating world', with just a bit of additional thought.
So I'd highly recommend that you go to her site and use her search box to look for keywords like seminarian, discerning, vocation, etc.. If I'm not mistaken, there are also tags in the posts themselves and on her right sidebar that will take you to relevant articles.

Unfortunately I don't know of an equivalent source that focusses on the religious side of discernment.

#8 organwerke

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Posted 16 April 2012 - 05:25 PM

Nihil Obstat, on 11 April 2012 - 02:59 AM, said:

Sometimes I think it just helps to hear it from other people. Are you a man or a woman? I know a good site to send you if you're of the female persuasion.

Never heard of wiser words in my life!
This is so true!
I have experienced a lot of mistakes on my own skin, but it wasnt all my fault.
This is the fact: when I was younger, I seriously thought of religious life.
My SD though (to whom I expressed my idea more than once) suggested to me that I began to date. Then, after a some time, suggested to look into some religious orders. I was puzzled and didnt know what to do. What I knew is that I was able to say "no" when someone asked me to date, but I have always been a person who is not able to stop a relation (at least I find it very difficult). So, I later felt that I should look into religious life, and tried discernment, anyway I was not able to cut the relation completely off during discernment. I was puzzled and this created a lot of pain in both of us.
Ok, finally I think it wasn t a true vocation but anyway if I could return back I wodul look into religious life before dating, this is for sure!